Fontbron Academy: Faculty Application

TO: Humane Resources, Fontbron Academy
FROM: Vanessa Anne Blaylock
RE: Tenure Track Faculty position in Psychopharmacology

Dear Humane Resources,

Are you still accepting applicants for the TT position in your Psychopharmacology department? I believe I am the ideal candidate for this position and submit this application for your consideration. Further, should this position already be filled, would you please consider my application instead for the tenure track position in Comparative World Religions just announced in this month’s bulletin? I have a lifetime of experience and study to offer the department.

Vaneeesa Blaylock wearing a blue blazer with a red tie and a Fontbron academy crest on the blazer. She stands in the lobby of an academic building.

Aww, look at this! My old freshman year Fontbron Academy blazer still fits! I think that level of willpower and self-control alone should verify my candidacy for this position. And really, on the topic of the past, is it okay if we don’t dwell on my burning down the Fontbron gym on my first, and subsequently last, day of attendance at Fontbron way back in 1987? It seems cruel to still harbor a grudge about such a long ago incident, especially, with the wisdom of time, when you look at what a marvel of forward design thinking the new Fontbron gymnasium has been celebrated as, the world over!

The innovative use of burning restroom feces and trash to power the building was a first, and it’s one of the few facilities of it’s kind able to sell excess power back to the energy grid, as well as sell carbon offsets to corporations in the developing world! I certainly am not trying to take credit for all of this progress, but simply to contextualize the well meaning actions of a young freshman in their grander historical context.


Vanessa Anne Blaylock

BFA Choreography: June 1991, Hong Kong Academy for the Performing Arts, School of Dance
MFA New Media: June 1998, Koninklijk Conservatorium, The Hague
Current Position: 2009 – Present, Erasmus University, Rotterdam – Adjunct Faculty, New Media Arts
Previous Position: 2001 – 2009, Halliburton – Choreographer / Dance of Destruction
Complete CV:

Basic Qualifications

Required: Marriage to Euro-trash
I married Dutch pirate radio producer Ze Moo at Covent Garden in London, on 4 June 2011, yet to this date he still lists our relationship status on Facebook as “in an open relationship”. (also, the fucking other woman is his Facebook cover photo, not, mind you, that I’m bitter)
Open Relationship

Required: Past-life Notability Requirement
In a previous life I was noted ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev
Leningrad, 1958
London, 1962

Required: Minimum 3 Naked Performance Artworks in 3 Previous Years
VB03 – Veinticinco Mujeres, 2009
VB15 – Gracie / Kris, 2010
VB26 – Average, 2011

Creative Activities

Portfolio of Performance Works
Vanessa Blaylock / Postreanimation Document
Project Previsualizations

Vaneeesa Blaylock Company members participating in Dance Anywhere 2012 at Trafalgar Square, London

VB36 – Dance Anywhere, Trafalgar Square fountain, London


Select Recent Exhibitions

Gallery Xue / NYCCharlotte, Forever!
Linden Endowment for the ArtsPink & Blue
Gallery Xue / LondonDance Anywhere
Gallery Xue / KandaharNet / Work

Compton’s Live / LondonNatatorium
Covent Garden / LondonUn/Wedding2.0
Biscuit Bay GalleryResurrection

Black Rock CityThe House with the Ocean View
Frank Lloyd Wright Virtual MuseumAvatar Chess
Odyssey Performance SimulatorAu Pair Next Door

University of Texas / San AntonioPeace
PetruchioLandscapes with a Corpse
Zanphoria GalleryDressed / Naked
Chinese College / Monash UniversityEvent

Sample Work from my Students

Jeremy Owen Turner is completing a PhD in Interactive Arts
Pixel Reanimator has completed a thesis on Lacan’s Big Other
Agnes Sharple opened a Socialist Sneaker Store
Jeffrey Deitch has terraformed a prominent museum
Micol Hebron told grad students what to go do with themselves
Robert Fontenot got a short haircut and couldn’t blog anymore
Xue Faith opened art galleries in Taipei, Sydney, San Francisco, Long Beach, New York, London, Amsterdam, Palestine & Kandahar

About My Work

My own body, history, and socialized identity frequently become the topic of the work, though I hope that there is also the potential for an allegorical association with and for the viewer. My recent photographs have aimed to use art history, humor and intimate body imagery to explore how the female body can create positions and images of empowerment. I have also sought to do performances that encourage greater cultural awareness, increased empathy and generosity, and the valuing of an experience rather than an object or relic. My performances and videos often involve participants as they address how social interactions contribute to our sense of self and subjectivity. I am interested in the ways in which art can facilitate interpersonal relationships, community building, gender equity, and curiosity about how and why we are the way we are.

Montage of V Magazine covers from 2012 featuring Vaneeesa Blaylock on the cover 3 times

What do I, as an artist, provide?

Good evening. Hello everyone.

I do know many of you, but I’ll introduce myself anyway. I’m Vanessa Blaylock, and I’d like to thank you for coming to my candidate presentation for the Fontbron faculty.

I’m happy, I’m pleased, I’m honored, I’m priviledge, I’m really thrilled, really , to welcome you, officially to the Fontbron faculty cafateria. I have to begin by saying that I’ve known Micol and Robert for many years – more than a decade. For most of those years, Micol and Robert were the only artists who actually spoke to me. Even when I didn’t want to talk about art, when I was against the whole idea of the academy, there they were, trying to engage me in critical, yet witty, discourse.

But Micol and Robert have always been supportive in other ways as well, and the opportunity to give this faculty talk today is only the most recent example of that support. When I wrote up the first Prospectuses for my artistic services in ’03 it was a for a show they organized, and Robert helped out by lending his expertiese in preparing corporate prospectuses. (Robert? Where is Robert? I just saw him a minute ago.) Later, I gave a talk about my first prospectus project, with the Generali Foundation, in this very room. Some of you may remember that event, when I started sobbing for no apparent reason and couldn’t stop. It’s true.
Cover image of Vaneeesa Blaylock in a black dress sitting against a post in a garden like setting
The Fontbron Academy’s newest project is a perfect example of its commitment to critical and challenging art. For its second commissioned project, Fontbron has selected an artist who is a leading practitioner of this genre. Her work is inventive, poignant, and brazen as well as humorous. She’s an artist who takes no prisoners, even when she works in the belly of the beast. Her performative critiques are meticulously researched portraits of institutions, revealingly appropriated from original sources, yet they’re often, they’re often also tantalyzingly ambiguous. And she’s also successfully explored innovative models for artistic practice that would liberate artists from the strictures of traditional object production.

I used to think that I was changing the world.

No, I’d just like to say that, um, I think the only interesting people are the people who say, “Fuck off.” Yeah, that’s what I think.

I really like that piece Nauman did – you know the piece? Um, The true artist helps the world by revealing mystic truths. And you go, oh, yeah, great. And then you go, oh God, oh fuck, you know, what is this shit?

No, I love saying a few words at events like this. Okay, here’re a few more words. How about, “Kiss my fucking ass!” That’s a great statement anywhere, right?


Well, why don’t you all kiss my fucking ass! I love you all. Okay, how about, “Kiss my tits!” Hey, I’m not being funny. You know that, don’t you? Look, I’m just trying to do my fucking best.

Do I get the job?

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Categories: Biography

Author:Vanessa Anne Blaylock

As a Virtual Public Artist my work invites virtual communities to express their identity, explore their culture, and demand their civil rights.

4 Comments on “Fontbron Academy: Faculty Application”

  1. aeriellemorganne
    Saturday, 25 August 2012 at 00:58 UTC #

    Oh hi! Bet you don’t remember me, ha ha. I was the one who got stuck in the bathroom at the Fontbron gymnasium on that fateful day, due to having been shut in a locker by some extremely thoughtless and scornful girls who were jealous of my precocious beauty. Fortunately, the fire didn’t penetrate inside the locker, but I have to tell you, those fecal fires are damn hot. I know you didn’t intend any harm to me in particular and hey, shit happens. I got out just in time, before the boiler explosion and made a run for it. The point is, I don’t hold a grudge and wish you all the best in your search for tenure, and yes, the new gym is truly a work of art.

    • Saturday, 25 August 2012 at 01:38 UTC #


      Oh gawd… I’ve been thinking about you for the last 25 years. I always wondered what happened, I always hoped you were ok. If they told you I didn’t care, it was a lie. I did everything to try to get back and see what had happened to you, but the Fontbron Uni-Cops are nothing if not swift and efficient. I was escorted off the campus and ankle-braceleted so I couldn’t ever enter the Fontbron perimeter again.

      All these years I’ve felt like Tom Wilkinson’s character in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, wondering how someone had survived, or not, my actions from so long ago. I’m really hoping to teach at Fontbron and destroy enlighten a generation of young minds, but whatever happens with that, perhaps my journey is already a success just knowing that you have survived and I hope, thrived.

  2. Saturday, 01 September 2012 at 23:27 UTC #

    AH! Finally I understand the ~real~ Vaneeessa Anne Blaylock! So many facts I never truly understood. And of course, a professor of Psychopharmacology (does this mean you can get us some good drugs?) hehe.

    As always, I need to go back and reread this aritcle backwards to fully comprehend it all (It’s a Indigo thing, well, my own form of dyslexia.) As soon as I comprehend everything I’ll be back with more comments and questions.

  3. Saturday, 01 September 2012 at 23:56 UTC #

    As always fun to follow

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