My Second Life Romance – Part 2

This is the second part of the story of my second life romance. If all the guys I ever dated, and I’ve dated my share, were to read Part 1, I think at least three of them might think I was writing about them.

1) He Made Me Feel Like Dancin’
2) He Filled My Life With Hope
3) Protecting Your Heart

The morning after Nathan and I had our wonderful night together, he sent me a lovely rose. I didn’t see him that day, he was gone by the time I came online. I was tired and figured he was tired, so it seemed ok at the time.

In the coming weeks, we did things together and had more amazing conversations. We shared many things about ourselves, often meaningless things, but it wasn’t about things, it was about sharing. Nathan was easygoing, even a little wacky at times. I loved the person I was when I was with him. He made me feel like I was his baby, and I thought of him as my man. He was a bit unreliable though. He was very unreliable, acutally. And he had a propensity for not getting around to contacting me. He seemed to wait for me to contact him.

Our time together was free and easy, and his shortcomings were of little consequence to me. Then there was a night. We were at the beach and we both had a couple drinks. As the night rolled along, Nathan had more drinks and before long he was, well, drunk. He was so drunk I thought it was time for us say goodnight for the evening. But Nathan said, no. “I have to tell you,” he said and in his drunken sincerity he opened his heart, “No matter what. I love you my baby.” He struggled with the words. Then said more, then much more. He said I was “the most loving woman he ever knew.” Other things he said didn’t make much sense, but when all was said and done I felt very loved. I told him I loved him too, and I did.

There was another time and another, and life was good. I was happy.

But Second Life is never what it seems. One fine day I discovered Nathan was friends with several women I knew. I wasn’t shocked at all, but wondered if he had been close to any of them. And in a short time it became clear he had been close with several of them. And then I learned he had an ongoing relationship with another woman. In time, I learned that he loved her. He pretended he didn’t love her, but I came to realized he did, but she didn’t love him beyond friendship.

Learning about Nathan secret love broke my heart. I left Second Life with the intention of never returning. He was my first love. I cried at night and said to his memory, “I loved you.” But in time, I returned to SL. I returned with the plan to never allow anyone to hurt me like that again. There’s more to say about him, but not just now.

[You may be wondering, was I really in love? When I logged out of Second Life did I still love him? Perhaps you are wondering about my real life? What kind of person finds her way into such emotional drama on a computer? It’s only possible for me to answer those questions by saying, my life is a second life. I experience everything I tell you about, experience it with all my being, and I was really in love. Yet, I’ll acknowledge that there is that portal from and to another life, but that life is an entirely different story.]

In the days after my return to Second Life,
I found a sense of enjoyment just wandering
the forests and regions of Calas Galadhon.

Eventually I returned to Second Life. I would log in to chat with friends for a few minutes then log off. Then I started wandering around. I did some shopping and that really helped. But friends who really know me, know I have an unusual drive to explore. I call it a wanderlust. I love my home, my nest, but I love to put on my hiking boots and just go out into the world. And in my third year, I discovered Calas Galadhon and its seemingly endless beauty and surprises. That’s where I met Peter.

He must have been hidden from my view,
because when I heard him say “Hello”
I had to turn around to see who was talking to me.

I had been hiking through the forest of Miromere, but toward lunch time I made my way to the overlook on the sea. My meeting with Peter began with a simple greeting, “Hello” he said. I didn’t see him when I hiked up, but when I got my first look at him I was pleased to see a tall handsome guy. His style was intriguing. His manner was polite. I didn’t know it at the time, but Peter was very different from my circle of friends.

Peter found me in a time of weakness. Despite how I presented myself to the world, I was fragile. Regardless of my state, I found it easy to chat with Peter. I learned that Peter had broken up with his partner the previous week. And when he learned of my breakup, we developed a trust and a bond.

But then, just as we were becoming friends, he had something he could only tell me about in voice. It took us both a minute to hookup, then smiled as I heard Peter’s deep, manly voice and I was set at ease. He began by explaining he would understand that what he was about to tell me could end our relationship.

Then he told me, “I am vampire” then paused. I was surprised. This was my first encounter with a vampire. He seemed to sense I was concern and explained, “I swear to you I will never bite you without you.”

Despite this bizarre twist, the bond I felt with him remained. His voice was reassuring. He made me feel safe. This is how our relationship began. In the coming days and weeks and months we would do many things together. He was a romantic man and we became close in ways I never dreamed possible.

Peter and I were adventurers and the pursuit
took us to places like the streets of Kowloon.
He was so tall and handsome, and I was so different
from the kind of girl I would have imagined he’d want.

We discovered that we both are adventurers and our exploraton extended across the Grid. I had never met anyone with such a sense a drive to try new things. He introduced me to activities including scuba diving, golfing, ski diving, speed boating. I showed him my favorites regions discoveries.

He had decided to break away from his vampire clan, so I introduced him to my friends. He loved my Zen garden and soon he’d bought himself some samurai attire. As a vampire he had role play experience and he made me aware that I was a natural in my geisha role. We loved to shop and loved showing off. In our adventures I began to feel like his sidekick, and we were a team. We were stars of our own virtual fantasy life. Wherever he wanted to go I wanted to go.

Peter taught me how to do scuba diving.
This opened a new world of adventure for me.

In only a month, Peter transformed my life and I, his. We became partners and we spent hours together every night, and on weekends we were together even longer. There were nights we slept together, and there were nights we did other things. He was a sexual man with strong drives and I wanted him to have me in every way.

I loved this man and he loved me. He was the type of man who needed to take care of the woman in his life, and when you’ve been hurt so badly this is a wonderful feeling. We committed to our love, forever, in Second Life. He filled my life with hope.

[Love can be awkward or corney. You might have many inhibitions, but in your second life you can hurl yourself into love with your heart and soul. Afterall, it’s not real, is it?]

Coming soon – part 3

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Categories: Romance, Second Life


I'm an avatar in Second Life and Xbox. I'm also the author of The Temporal Expeditions sci-fi novel series.

25 Comments on “My Second Life Romance – Part 2”

  1. Wednesday, 01 August 2012 at 13:16 UTC #

    I KNEW Vampires in Kowloon were going to come into this story at some point!! 😛

    Seriously though, this is a beautiful and remarkably honest story.

    There are certain aspects of our culture that are presented all the time, while other aspects remain mysterious. Want to know how to cook or bake something? There is an endless stream of books, videos, you name it. From staggeringly complex to so simple you can’t believe anyone is even explaining it, the “secrets” of cooking are extensively presented and discussed.

    Want to know what the experience of psychotherapy is like? Good luck. There are some books on psychology and mental health and sure you could go get a degree. But just curious what goes on in that hour when the therapist closes the door? Unlike cooking, this is a thing that happens all the time, but is far less understood, far more mysterious in our culture.

    Virtual romance? We know it happens. I’ve seen a few TV documentaries, typically from the “come look at the freaks” perspective. IDK if I exactly articulated this in the Caitlin Upton piece, but part of what I was reaching for there was that we live in a culture of human sacrifice. Unlike the ancient Mayans we may not literally throw virgins into deep cenotes, but we do love to put people on pedestals, so we can then take pleasure in kicking that pedestal out from under them and watching them fall. On TV news, everyone is a freak.

    Disney films do not prepare us for diverse, imperfect reality.

    Yet we know that life exists even in the harshest, most unlikely places on earth; and we know, as I commented on your previous post, that human relationships also exist in unlikely places, like the 2 prisoners finding human companionship with someone they can’t even see across a prison wall.

    To be honest, I haven’t really scanned the blogosphere, I imagine that beyond the sensationalistic TV stuff there are also “real” blog pieces in this space, but I haven’t seen them.

    I guess the thing I’m trying to say, and doing such a poor job of, is that everything is upside down. TV news would call you a freak for believing in a “fake” life instead of a “real” life… but the “real” life they defacto reinforce as normative is, in fact, “fake,” and the “fake” living they try to disparage for the entertainment value of their audience, is in fact, “real.”

    Remember in The Matrix, when Cypher says “Kansas is goin’ bye-bye”? Yeah. Nobody was really happy in Kansas.

    • Friday, 03 August 2012 at 17:59 UTC #

      Your comments are always challening and i’ve been mulling this post and the comments a lot.

      You say, “Virtual romance? We know it happens.” Well, I don’t know if this is exactly what you mean, but on my other blog I used to talk about my romances from time to time. I got very few people commenting on them, but reader stats went up and to your point, both women and men readers would talk to my privately inworld. Typically, they would say, “i’m so glad you said what you did. I was really concerned that there was something wrong with me.” This happened often enough that I feel there are more who just prefer to keep things quiet.

      You mention “TV news… ‘Fake’…’Real'” and yes that’s what I’ve seen as well. When I first became involved in Second Life and had a romance, my best friend was really alarmed. She even made some soft jokes. Then I gave her a tour of my world, even introduced her to my guy. But one evening, she came to visit while I was watching a movie with my virtual love. I don’t remember what the movie was, but she instantly got it. In her mind, I was doing something very normal, watching a movie with someone I like. She seemed to connect with the whole thing, but never had the nerve to entre SL because she’s married and feared where things could lead.

      I think I know what part 3 of this romance story is headed. so, more to come.

      • Friday, 03 August 2012 at 18:16 UTC #

        aww, a vision for part 3, yay!

        I think this is a nice case where an article can increase your traffic AND do something valuable at the same time. It’s not just the sensationalistic TV news piece for peeps to enjoy something sexy or mock something different, but it’s a genuine curiosity for those who haven’t lived it, and a source of reasurrance for those who have.

        They probably IM’d you in-world partly to be anonymous, but, separate from this story… I’ve also noticed some peeps will go on and on in in-world chat or Facebook messaging, but for whatever reason, they’re almost blog-comment-phobic.

        I guess it’s just that we all like the media we like and tend to favor it… but you’d think if someone talked all day on CB radio, that they then wouldn’t be Telephone-phobic. haha, IDK, anyway I digress.

        Keep up the beautiful work Yordie!

        • Friday, 03 August 2012 at 19:47 UTC #

          Yes, the women (men too) who contact me do so in IM. They are very private about it but very sincere. And this really makes me feel good. I never intended to be some kind of relationship writer but when I chose to experience feelings in SL, I opened a door. The door keeps opening.

          I know a guy one night at a dance club, a Euro journalist. He was very connected to his real life and I think was collecting stories like mine for some of his own stories. He was incredibly curious, but equally incredibly shallow. I suspect he’s not the only one looking for private stories to play through his own viewer.

          • Friday, 03 August 2012 at 20:22 UTC #

            Hmm… we’ve joked about having a “Dear Yordie” column… maybe if there was a way to anonymously submit questions… or maybe even to submit them not on the blog but thru Email or In-World drop box or something…

            perhaps there’d be a real interest there if there was a safe and easy way for peeps to reach out with their questions…

            • Friday, 03 August 2012 at 20:36 UTC #

              hahahha… oh lordy, I’m the last person to answer questions about romance. the reason is, i’m always up to my eyeballs in the whole thing. but l love the thought. /me smiles

              • Friday, 03 August 2012 at 20:42 UTC #

                hahaha, maybe it should be “Dear iRez” and with our collected (not) wisdom we can tell them what to go do with their virtual life! 😛

                • Friday, 03 August 2012 at 22:04 UTC #

                  Dear iRez! I’m as crazy as a squirrel in a coffee can, what should i do?

                  • Friday, 03 August 2012 at 22:42 UTC #

                    Dear VR Squirrel, first take a VR Chill Pill, they’re available at the Gallery Xue / NYC / FreeStore. Then relax in the knowledge that you are not alone. Life, physical or virtual, is a mystery to us all. It can be stressful and confusing.

                    I’d suggest going dancing, meet new people, socialize, and let virtual nature take it’s course. Give it a try and let us know if we can help further.

                    Also, avoid Kowloon, unless of course, you’re into vampires.

                    • Friday, 03 August 2012 at 23:43 UTC #

                      Dang! That’s the best advice I ever got. /me searches Marketplace for a VR Chill Pill. hehehe

  2. Botgirl Questi
    Wednesday, 01 August 2012 at 14:58 UTC #

    You wrote: [Love can be awkward or corney. You might have many inhibitions, but in your second life you can hurl yourself into love with your heart and soul. Afterall, it’s not real, is it?]

    A lot of what we experience in virtual worlds is pure fiction, but the emotions we experience are completely real. Although the physical representation you’re attracted to is just pixels, the oxytocin that kicks up as a result will make you hot and crazy. Although some part of you knows that this person may have 3 alts having affairs with three other people and can disappear off the grid at any time, the psychological and emotional bonds you create will be just as painful to get over when the inevitable wake up call arrives.

    Romantic relationships were one of the most interesting aspects of virtual worlds for me in my first year. Since I’ve been in a long-term monogamous RL relationship since I started, I mostly resisted the pull to “go there” psychologically. But I spent a lot of time speaking with people who had serial virtual relationships, almost all of which ended badly. Like the first story you shared, most people didn’t expect to fall in love in Second Life, but ended up falling hard and fast.

    What first astounded me was the tremendous level of strong emotional attachment and the associated suffering it created. But I eventually realized that virtual worlds can offer the perfect storm for the psychological/biological processes behind romantic love and limerence. Basically, the areas of the brain, body and nervous system involved with sexual attraction and falling in love can’t discern between physical and virtual experience. So although your rational mind may know better, the rest of your mind and body does not. The virtual world is the perfect environment for limerence to develop.

    I’m not saying it’s a bad idea to have virtual romantic relationships. But as I wrote in 2008, it makes sense to go in with both eyes open:

    Enjoy the present without expectations.

    This one is hard, but well-worth the effort. As I’ve written previously, there is no telling who is directing the avatar in front (or on top) of you. And you know what? If you are enjoying the company it doesn’t have to matter. A lot of the hurt I’ve heard expressed related to relationships in Second Life seems to be more from shattered expectations (believing one’s own lies) than overt deception by someone else. Which leads me to…

    Assume nothing and ask questions.

    If you DO care about something beyond what someone discloses, then ask and do not move forward in the relationship until you’re satisfied with the answer. Now they are not obliged to tell you. And they can lie. But at least if you are wounded, it won’t be self-inflicted. That’s some consolation, right?

    Know what you don’t know.

    Personal interactions in virtual worlds can certainly be authentic when avatars don’t know each others’ human identities. But our conceptions of even our closest loved ones are mostly fabrications of our own thoughts. As Bryon Katie said, “In the history of the world no two people have ever met.” I think that goes double or triple for those we “meet” in the virtual world. Of course, there is a connection between your perception of someone and the qualities they possess. The mistake is to reify them into some solid entity with stable and knowable characteristics.

    Focus more on what you have to give, than on what you want to get.

    I’m not talking co-dependency here, but genuine no-strings-attached loving kindness; what Buddhists call metta. W.C. Fields said “You can’t cheat an honest man” because there’s usually an element of greed involved in a swindle. I think it’s just as fair to say that you can’t betray someone who is genuinely in relationship from a metta point of view.

    • Friday, 03 August 2012 at 18:44 UTC #

      Hi Botgirl… i’m sorry for taking so long to respond, but after reading both VB & your comments I had a lot I wanted to comment on. Part of what I want to comment on will be included in Part 3 (which I believe I know where it’s going… hehe).

      You mention “the inevitable wake up call arrives” and I don’t quite know what you mean, but I’m thinking you are referring to the many people who are “players” in SL. There’s so much of that, people with multiple alts playing many different roles, sometimes concurrently. I knew a woman who ‘married’ a guy. He told her he has three computers running where he’s using sometimes two or even three alts each. This was so mind boggling to me, I have a picture in my mind of some kinda of sheba like creature with even more eyes. That was a long time ago but my guess is he used most of those alts to put in his nightclubs. And yes, this was an inevitable.

      You say, “most people didn’t expect to fall in love in Second Life” and that is so true. In an early draft of Part 1, I rambled on about how and why I came to SL. Also, how I discovered in sorta like Casablanca, “You mean there’s romance going on here?” hehe. i was really surprised and couldn’t imagine how that was possible. And when I heard about sex, I was flabberghasted. I don’t think a woman can come to SL and not want to have a decent looking avatar and depite the pathetic selection of clothes in 2007, I managed to look pretty good. So that started a chain of events. My first romance happened because I used to like to come to SL late in the evening and go to a nightclub with good music. I’d hop on a pose ball and just relax a bit before bed. I still thought SL romance was comical, and falling in love was inconcievable at that point. But one night a guy asked me to dance and I thought, what the heck.

      I came to SL because I’d spent years discussing a true artifical intelligence with colleagues and I concluded that experiential learning could be accomplished in a virutal world. That’s a WHOLE ‘nuther story though.

      Wow, loved this one, “eventually realized that virtual worlds can offer the perfect storm for the psychological/biological processes behind romantic love and limerence.” Well, first, YEAH! That is a great way to put it. We can be as beautiful as we choose and guys can be as handsome as they choose, and I sure know what I like in a man. /me smiles. Yes, the infatuation is so strong and here’s where my particular brand of insantity began. In the early days, I put my first life photo in my profile and I found that guys wanted to know me outside of SL, but I just don’t want that. And based on that and some other SL experiences, I made the decision that if a person looked and acted in attractive manner, then is it necessary to cross the barrier of their anonymnity? I obviously expected the same. In those days, I started to toy with the idea of an amazing limitless virtual romance. I had no idea where that could lead but it sounded fun. I didn’t think I could get hurt. I can be incredibily short-sighted when I want to have fun. hehe.

      And to your other comment, “Enjoy the present without expectations.” That’s exactly how I felt. And I’m pretty certain that’s the reigning sentiment for all who discover virtual romance. How could you possibly be hurt!?

      I’m going to take a break for a bit, but there’s much more I would like to comment on. I’ll be back shortly.

      • Friday, 03 August 2012 at 18:56 UTC #

        *sheva not sheba… lawdy

    • Friday, 03 August 2012 at 19:39 UTC #

      Oh yes… “shattered expectations”

      This is at the heart of all the hurt. It’s so easy to believe the little lies people tell you to protect their privacy. I tell little lies too, because I’ve been stalked. Not by a guy, but by a woman who just wanted to be my friend. She wanted to believe we had so much in common, but she knew nothing about my life. I never invited her to be part of my life. She suggested once we could meet in Seattle, but I said I just won’t do that. I have a real life and even though I can choose how to spend my time, I have family and activities.

      I’ve pulled a cloak over my real life and it became necessary to create small lies.

      And I’m certain many people do. Do you have any idea how many RL helicopter pilots I’ve met SL? Well, I can’t remember for sure, but at least a half dozen. Commanders in the Navy: SL is infested with them! (exaggerating) I think there must be some secreat ‘guy book’ out there that tells guys how to “get a hottie” and it must to be in use in SL. And those little lies create great expectations!

      When you meet someone and they’ve created really big false expectations, then they come clean with you because they’ve fall in love with you, it just destroys trust. And then there’s real life photos. I began forming Yordie Sand’s shape to match my own in my early days, but then I made a nip here, tuck there and 77 versions later, voila! Yordie is more beautiful than I am in every way and she’s younger too. I say she’s 28. Fortunately and unfortunately for me, my voice is apparently appropriate for Yordie, and this creates expectations! Guys being guys, that leads to guys wanting Yordie’s human. But I’m not her and the struggle to maintain the separation is a bit stressful.

      Sadly you point to the Byron Katie comment, “In the history of the world no two people have ever met.”

      That triggered this one for some reason, “They may forget what you said but they will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Carl W Buechner

      In SL, you can have wonderful adventures, you can experience almost every emotion and you can _feel_ all of those things, including love. If you do this you will be hurt at some point, and whether or not you are equipped to handle that i don’t think anyone knows till it happens.

      WOW… “I think it’s just as fair to say that you can’t betray someone who is genuinely in relationship from a metta point of view.”

      That’s one of those, what can i say things. Totally yes!

      A few more comments, then part 3 in my story. /me smiles

  3. Wednesday, 01 August 2012 at 17:49 UTC #

    Thanks Vanessa and Botgirl… I want to plunge into your comments, but I have a date inworld (it’s true) in 15 minutes and will be back with reponses. Who knows maybe my date will be Part 3 of this story. I honestly don’t know how it will end yet. The story is flying on its own and I’m just trying to get the spelling right. hehehe

    • Wednesday, 01 August 2012 at 18:09 UTC #

      I think what’s important here is…


  4. Thursday, 02 August 2012 at 02:41 UTC #

    Yordie, thanks for sharing such personal memories of love and attraction!

    • Thursday, 02 August 2012 at 04:44 UTC #

      I’ll be back tommorrow to respond to all these great comments. AND… wow, I have an ending for this story now. More to come.

  5. Friday, 03 August 2012 at 20:27 UTC #

    I feel that all this talk about honesty and feelings and motivations and realness is taking us off the most important issue here, so let me restate:

    I KNEW Vampires in Kowloon were going to come into this story at some point!!

    • Saturday, 04 August 2012 at 01:05 UTC #

      Yes, I’m finally forced to agree, YAMPIRES have ALWAYS been the point. Wait till Part 3!

      • Saturday, 04 August 2012 at 01:45 UTC #


        • Saturday, 04 August 2012 at 02:32 UTC #

          And Vampires in Kowloon, of course.

  6. Saturday, 04 August 2012 at 10:10 UTC #

    Well done Yordie. You and I have talked about SL romance inworld before, and I can imagine what a challenge this was to write. Not only with the composites, but with putting yourself out there like that. Strangely (to me anyhow), of all the topics I could write about, I’ve stayed away from this one. I wonder why? I’m thinking now though, that it may be worth a try. To me, one of the most surprising aspects of your stories (both part 1 and 2) is how common these experiences are between us! Not episodically mind you, but emotionally. Could it be that we’re all experiencing slightly different versions of the same events? How very Borg of us! I don’t know, maybe I’ll write a few things down about a few of my experiences, and you can tell me if you see the similarities like I do. Thanks so much for sharing this.

    • Tuesday, 14 August 2012 at 05:02 UTC #

      Oh Becky, I’m sure you could write about any aspect of romance. You have such a unique perch to observe a side of romance probably most women never see. I enjoyed your first post very much and if you listen to Vanessa, there’s no telling where she’ll lead you. hehehe


  1. My Second Life Romance – Part 1 | I Rez Therefore I Am - Wednesday, 01 August 2012

    […] He Made Me Feel Like Dancin’ 2) He Filled My Life With Hope 3) (Title in progress, but do stories like ours have happy […]

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