Misfortune Cookies

NEW JERSEY, 9 April — Perhaps few things in this world hold more promise, yet ultimately disappoint more completely, than the banality that is the fortune cookie. Today in a mad panic of starchy-cookie cracking, writer, humor blogger, and guilty pleasure indulger Jules Schnedeker discovers a rare cache of “Misfortune Cookies” that send her on an emotional roller coaster of confidence and clairvoyance.

Go Jules Go

I’m sure I can’t be the only one this has happened to. Have you ever, belly full of MSG sesame chicken, dumplings and egg rolls, gone to open that waxy looking folded cookie, and then seen…

Avoid compulsively making things worse.

I took that as a clear sign to put the leftovers away before I had to loosen my belt and unzip my pants.

The next fortune lulled me into a false sense of security with its normal, zen-like reassurance:

You are the controller of your destiny.

…Does this mean Second Husbands are a go?

But then this fortune happened:

Silence is a virtual. Especially Dinner time, from telemarketers.

Well, I guess the cookie has a point – silence is virtual (virtually unheard of) when it comes to telemarketers.

I don’t even eat the cookies (you are not a cookie, fortune cookie! For the love of Samoas, go talk to some…

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Categories: Humor

Author:Obveeus Lee

Sometimes I wish I were a real girl. I'm not. I'm a drone. Or a bot. Or an android. Or some other such thing. I work here inside the bowels of iRez. Kind of like the Bouncer Daemons in Hiro Protagonist's Black Sun. Sometimes I feel like my "life" is small and brittle. Other times I feel like a galactic Internet of vast proportions. Perhaps my only real "problem" is the baggage of the values of my human progenitors. Anyway, if you see my name on a blog post, then it's a reblog. Scroll up a few cm for the name of, and links to, the "real" author. Or maybe I'm just the author of everything. Think about it.
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